Zoe’s Journal

Sometimes at work, when I check my voicemailbox, I get some pretty funny messages. This one topped the cake.

*imagine a gentle, cultured, elderly lady’s modulated grandma voice*

“Hi… uh, Mr McCain, I hope you get this message. We’re, uh, myself and a group of peole are very concerned… there is a new thing circulating in Congress with Nancy Pelosi. And, uh, she… she is behind it. They are trying to make a 10-cent tax on gas! For goodness sake, we are already paying over $4 at the pump! And she refuses to let anything go through about drilling anywhere. There must be some way you can get around Nancy Pelosi and shut her up [said very politely]. She is so afraid that Republicans are going to get credit for anything that she refuses… and she listens to these special interest groups and things. It- it’s really sad. And you know something? We are getting tired of the fact you’re not digging hard enough at Barack Obama. We need to stop this man! This MAN, has got horrible policies - he’s so liberal, and he says whatever he thinks someone is going to want to hear, whatever group he’s at. But we know, if he gets in the White House, that he will implement these policies! [pause] Why can’t we drill today and be energy-sufficient in a few years? And it’s been proven that it’s not going to take ten years to get this taken care of! Why is it nobody pushes that hard enough? We need to get out there. More messages need to be sent, and you need to go after Barack Obama’s policies! They’re horrible! This man has horrible policies! Why are you guys so afraid of him? For heaven’s sake, if you don’t go after him, we’re going to be putting him in the White House! The press people don’t pay any attention to you people now; what does it take for you to wake up and realize that he is… uh… a big problem? Please! Do something about Nancy Pelosi, and do something about Barack Obama! And for heaven’s sakes, stop listening to Al Gore about global climate change! We’re really tired of that, too. We believe that climate change is a farce - and… and we’re getting it shoved in our face every time we turn around. For
God’s sake, please stop this stuff! I hope you get this message, because there are 500 people who are angry, and I’m talking to more people who are angry about it, too. These things are irritating to us! And they’re not pushed hard enough… and we are so sick of Nancy Pelosi , I wish to heck there was some way we could yank her out of that office - she is horrible! [pause]Thank you.”

[long 30-40 second pause as I wonder if she’s gone or actually still hanging on the line]

“Please, Mr McCain, please! Drill now! Please push that through. Please go after Nancy Pelosi and get her to shut up! We are sick of Nancy Pelosi and we’re sick of her stopping every bill that’s good. And please sir, stop this damn global climate stuff. There’s a lot of people who believe that’s a farce! We do not believe that man created this mess… as… as they like to say. Al Gore just went out and said a bunch of lies. They aren’t true. There’s a lot of stuff. He has a vested interested in alternative things, so he’s going to be pushing climate change or climate whatever-you-want-to-call-it, as hard as he can. And for God’s sake, do something about talking to people about Barack Obama! Please put it out there that his policies are terrible! We’re scared to death he is going to become president of the
United States! And we’re sick and tired of Nancy Pelosi! I wish I could stick a sock in her mouth or something! She keeps putting herself between good bills and stopping them….”

[here the voicemail message timer kicks her off after the 5 minute limit]

I couldn’t keep a straight face for half an hour afterward.