Zoe’s Journal

I got the most hilarious resume today… see below:

To the truly discerning employer,

I am the man you sincerely want on your team.
I bring more to your organization that the selfish desire
to earn a paycheck. I have a tremendous ego as it pertains
to the accomplishment of team goals and over achievement of said goals.
I am quite fortunate, blessed to have the greatest motivation on earth.

I have a beautiful wife, and five children;
a six (6) year old son, a five (5) year old daughter, a
three (3) year old son, a eighteen (18) month old son, and
a ten (10) week old daughter. I share this with you to
enable you to see that I am a family man with
responsibilities and obligations that compels me to
produce. Perhaps if I was a single lad, I may have
continued with my business until I landed in the land of
success, however at this juncture, I must seek financial
compensation for the many skills I have acquired.
I am willing, able and prepared to share my
seasoned expertise with your organization, to insure my stability.

Hiring me will certainly be considered an advantageous move
on the part of any upward, growing and expanding
organization and I do look forward to
hearing from you or your representative soon. Thank you for this time.

I am certainly willing to relocate with the right offer.
I sincerely do not expect any favors;
however I would earnestly appreciate an opportunity to
display my just cause for being professionally above most,
and severely gifted in the true art and science of Collections.

Every so often amidst the thousands of people we interact
with, we meet special unique people that
change our lives. It is said we meet only six in our life time.

Mother,
Father,
The first person that introduces us to spirituality,
The first educator to show an individual interest in our education,
The first person to strike our heart with infatuation,
And me. I am the man you need, want, and probably are not even aware that
you need.

If my resume has rubbed you the wrong way,
we are not a perfect match, and I appreciate you reading this far,
Please have a wonderful day.